by Mordechai Schmutter
Have you ever asked a kid what he wants to do when he grows up?
We did. And here’s what they answered:
“When I grow up, I want to drive carpool.”
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“When I grow up, I want to do my taxes. Nervously.”
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“When I grow up, I want to fight over parking spots.”
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“When I grow up, I want to worry about money.”
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“When I grow up, I want to follow the news.”
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“When I grow up, I want to wonder how everything I do will affect my back.”
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“When I grow up, I want to randomly yell, “Careful!” when my kids are playing.”
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“When I grow up, I want to grow zucchini.”
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“When I grow up, I want to repurpose my leftovers.”
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“When I grow up, I want to bribe my kids to do things that I can do faster.”
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“When I grow up, I want to fall asleep at the Shabbos table.”
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“When I grow up, I want to be obsessed with calories.”
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“When I grow up, I want to insist I don’t snore.”
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“When I grow up, I want to carry too many credit cards.”
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“When I grow up, I want to kill spiders in the bathroom.”
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“When I grow up, I want to beg my kids to eat vegetables.”
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“When I grow up, I want to wonder why all my doorknobs are sticky.”
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“When I grow up, I want to drive to the same two places every day.”
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“When I grow up, I want everything I do to have deadlines.”
Oh, wait. None of them answered that.
Growing up is not what we expect. But doesn’t humor come from the unexpected?
Mordechai Schmutter has deadlines. For the past CENSORED years, he has entertained readers with his weekly humor columns in Hamodia, The Brooklyn Family Pages, Aish.com, and other publications.
Never you mind how many years. Enough years that some of his columns are now mechuyav in mitzvos.
This is his sixth book. But who’s counting?
You can buy For This I Had to Grow Up? here.
Or, if you'd like to buy autographed copies from me directly, call 973-473-1771 or email MSchmutter@gmail.com .